Vertu Unveils $27,000 Gold-Plated Cell Phone

The Vertu Constellation Quest phone is indeed plated with 18 carat yellow gold. But, apparently, it's the service that you pay for.

The gold is included for two reasons. First, to give the user the satisfaction of owning a cell phone that literally defines over-the-top bling. Second, to partially distract the owner from the absurdly high cost of entry for ownership. What the heck are owners paying for then?

Customer service baby! $27,000 buys you access to a legion of highly trained technical assistants who are available 24/7 to help owners configure their phone exactly how they want. If, for some reason, you are too stupid or lazy or self-important to handle setting up your Vertu Constellation Quest on your own, no worries. The technical staff can, with your esteemed permission, remotely access your phone and set everything up for you or finish what you started. The service also allows you to synchronize emails, contacts, and other information with secure backup servers and your favorite gold plated belt buckle. Finally, owners will get full access to a "dedicated lifestyle manager" for the "maximum" level of personal assistance.

Features:

• High-resolution VGA screen and a video output jack (for projecting something on the phone on a bigger screen)
• Bluetooth connectivity
• Assisted GPS program with free maps and navigation
• FM radio
• Full QWERTY keyboard comprised of crystal sapphire keys with silkscreened characters

Don't fret. If the gold Vertu Constellation Quest is too pricey for you, you can pick up their surgical stainless steel model for a mere $7558.00.

Are you shallow enough to own a Vertu? Pre order yours today, Vertu Constellation Quest.